


Queer Eye For the Science Guy

by heyjupiter



Series: When Things Start Getting Real [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Crossover, Gen, M/M, Science Boyfriends, Science Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15319341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: The Fab 5 head to New York for a very special episode. It's not every day they get to make over a literal superhero, butsomebodyhas got to help out Bruce Banner.In which Bruce begins to learn about self-care, Tony threatens Bruce's tenuous grasp on work-life balance, Jonathan thirsts for Thor, and the whole gang gives Bruce a hug.





	Queer Eye For the Science Guy

**Author's Note:**

> This started as [a little baby Tumblr goof](http://twentyghosts.tumblr.com/post/175781497216/tired-mcu-bachelor-aus-where-tony-stark-is-the) but then I couldn't stop thinking about it and had to expand upon it. Basically all I ever want is for Bruce Banner to be happy and this seemed like a good way to achieve that goal?
> 
> This is set in a hazy universe wherein:  
> \- It's been a few months since the events of the first Avengers movie  
> \- And the Netflix Queer Eye reboot exists  
> \- And Tony and Pepper are absolutely together in an open relationship but Pepper does not want _her_ personal business getting out to the entire Netflix viewing population, so she's rarely around for filming  
>  \- And [Bruce has his _Thor: Ragnarok_ hair](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/avwOkZyaaY8/maxresdefault.jpg), Because Reasons

Day 1

 _INT: Fab 5 Truck, driving through Manhattan_  
JONATHAN:  
Ooh, not that I don't love Georgia, but I almost don't care who we're here to see, I'm just so excited to be in the Big Apple!

KARAMO:  
It is definitely nice to have a change of scenery, although I could do without the traffic.

ANTONI:  
What brings us up north?

BOBBY:  
So this is actually going to be a very special episode. We think of everyone we make over as heroes, but this week we're truly making over one of Earth's Mightiest Heroes. A real live Avenger!

JONATHAN:  
Oh my literal god, is it Thor?

BOBBY:  
It's not Thor.

JONATHAN:  
I'm dying to get my hands on Thor's hair.

KARAMO:  
Just his hair?

JONATHAN:  
I'll start with the hair and work my way down to the hammer.

ANTONI:  
I think Thor lives in space or something.

JONATHAN:  
Netflix, please send us to space next season!

ANTONI:  
We could be the first gays in space!

JONATHAN:  
Excuse you, please do not disrespect Sally Ride's legacy in this vehicle.

ANTONI:  
Oops, I didn't know!

JONATHAN:  
Aww, this is educational programming, honey!

BOBBY:  
_(Clears throat)_  
So this week we're going to be working with Dr. Bruce Banner.

ANTONI:  
Who?

BOBBY:  
You might know him better as the Hulk, but most of the time, he looks like this.  
_(Holds up iPad)_

JONATHAN:  
Aww, he's cute! He's got like a hot professor vibe. Like I would for sure give him a chili pepper on Rate My Professor Dot Com.

TAN:  
I thought he'd be bigger.

KARAMO:  
He definitely looks better without the green.

BOBBY:  
He was nominated by his friend Pepper Potts, who says that even though he's a real hero, Bruce doesn't have a lot of confidence. He worries that people only appreciate the Hulk and not himself, and he worries that he won't be able to stay in control of the Hulk, and that all makes it hard for him to connect with people.

KARAMO:  
Those are some pretty big worries.

JONATHAN:  
Hulk-sized worries! But we can help.  
_(Flips hair)_

 _INT: Office_  
PEPPER:  
Bruce is just such a kind, smart person, but he has so much anxiety, it makes it hard for him to let anyone get to know the real him. And it's impossible to get him to accept anything nice from anyone else. I'd love it if you could just help us convince him that he's worth it.

 _INT: Fab 5 Truck_  
FAB 5:  
Aww!

 _INT: Office_  
PEPPER:  
_(Sighs)_  
This might be a terrible idea, but it's worth a try?

 _INT: Fab 5 Truck_  
TAN:  
It's not a terrible idea! We're so excited to give back to one of our heroes.

 _INT: Office_  
TONY:  
Bruce is probably the smartest and bravest person I've ever met, and I don't give a (bleep) if he dresses like a hobo, if that's what makes him happy. I'm just not sure that it _does_ make him happy.

 _INT: Gym_  
STEVE:  
I know a lot of people judge by appearances, even though it's what's on the inside that should matter. Bruce is a really kind person, but I don't think most people get the chance to see that.

 _INT: Lab_  
BRUCE:  
I'm Bruce Banner, I'm a biophysicist...I'm sorry, what was the question?

 _INT: Avengers Tower Lobby_  
KARAMO:  
Well, here we are, the recently-remodeled Avengers Tower.

TAN:  
They already did Bobby's work for him!

BOBBY:  
Cool, I'll just take a nap and catch up with you guys later.

KARAMO:  
Let's go see what Bruce is up to when he's not being a jolly green giant. We're supposed to take the elevator up to the 85th floor.

JONATHAN:  
Oh my god, that's so high up. Are we supposed to have parachutes for this?

TAN:  
Don't worry, if anything goes wrong, I'm sure Iron Man will save us.

JONATHAN:  
Oooh, do you think he'll let us try on his armor?

TAN:  
I don't think red is your color.

 _INT: Lab_  
JONATHAN:  
Hellooo!

BRUCE:  
_(Doing science)_  
Hi?

ANTONI:  
We're the Fab 5!

BRUCE:  
Oh, I think Tony went up to his office.

KARAMO:  
That's fine, we're here for you!

BRUCE:  
Hmm?

TAN:  
Hang on, you agreed to be on this show….

BRUCE:  
No, yeah, I remember Pepper talking about it, but I guess I just assumed it was about Tony.

JONATHAN:  
Nope! We're here to make over _your_ life!  
_(Picks up a piece of equipment)_  
Ooh, what's this? What are you doing?

BRUCE:  
Um...it's--

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
So it turns out that for national security reasons we can't show you any of Bruce's research! Also honestly I did not understand a single word he said after "um"! He's clearly a total genius babe though.

 _INT: Lab_  
BRUCE:  
...so, yeah, you probably shouldn't touch anything in here.

FAB 5:  
_(Stare)_

TONY:  
_(Enters)_  
Bruce, I think I figured it out, the--oh, hey guys.

BRUCE:  
Tony, did you know these guys want to give me a makeover or something?

TONY:  
Yeah? It was a whole thing, we had to have like seven lawyers figure out the contracts. You don't remember this? Are you okay? You should really get more sleep.

BRUCE:  
I just thought it was going to be about you, I thought all my stuff was just like, background details.

TONY:  
_(Laughs)_  
You think _I_ need a makeover? Please, my style is iconic.

FAB 5:  
_(Shrug, nod)_

TONY:  
_(Squeezes Bruce's shoulders, whispers)_  
Hey, Bruce-- _(inaudible)_

BRUCE:  
_(Smiles)_  
Thanks.

TONY:  
Okay, well, I'll leave you to it--

BRUCE:  
\--You could stay, if you want.

KARAMO:  
Actually, Bruce, we'd love the chance to get to know you just on your own, first. We'll catch up with Tony later.

BRUCE:  
Oh….

TONY:  
_(Stops in doorway, points)_  
You guys take good care of my Bruce, okay?

JONATHAN:  
He's in good hands, honey! Tell Thor we said hi.

TONY:  
_(Laughs)_  
Sure, next time I see him.

KARAMO:  
So Bruce, that's interesting. Why did you assume we were here for Tony and not for you?

BRUCE:  
Oh, uh, just usually any kind of media stuff...that's usually Tony's thing. Or Steve. I'm, um, I prefer to be more behind the scenes.

KARAMO:  
Well, that's partly why we're here. We want to get to know _you_ , and we bet a lot of other people do, too.

BRUCE:  
There's not that much to know.

KARAMO:  
I'm not sure I believe that.

JONATHAN:  
Excuse me, can we get out of here before I accidentally blow something up?

BRUCE:  
Oh, don't worry, there's very little chance of that. I'm not working with any explosive materials right now.

JONATHAN:  
Whew.

BRUCE:  
You might get cancer, though.

JONATHAN:  
_(Looks at camera fearfully)_

BRUCE:  
Sorry, that was a joke.  
_(Pause)_  
We probably should still leave the lab.

BOBBY:  
Yes, I'd like to start by seeing your living space.

TAN:  
And your closet!

BRUCE:  
Sure...that won't take too long.

 _Int: Bruce's bedroom_  
BOBBY:  
Okay, well...it's clean!

KARAMO:  
It's probably the cleanest room we've ever seen.

ANTONI:  
It's like a hotel room.

JONATHAN:  
No, 'cause a hotel room would at least have like one weird painting of a sad bird or something. This is like a prison cell. I mean, a really fancy prison cell, but.

BRUCE:  
No, it's not. It's comfortable.

BOBBY:  
Prison cell is probably over the top, but there is nothing in here that expresses who you are as a person!

BRUCE:  
I...I mostly just sleep in here. It's fine.

FAB 5:  
_(Glance at each other)_

BRUCE:  
This was supposed to be temporary.

BOBBY:  
It definitely looks temporary.

KARAMO:  
What do you mean, "supposed to be"?

BRUCE:  
I don't know, I--I thought I was just coming to New York for one...specific thing.

JONATHAN:  
Saving the world from aliens.

BRUCE:  
Um, yeah, that. I--I didn't think I'd stick around. After.

BOBBY:  
But you've been living here since then?

BRUCE:  
Yeah. Things kept--kept coming up.

BOBBY:  
But it's been months. And in all that time you didn't even get, like, a houseplant?

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_

BOBBY:  
So now do you plan to stay here long term? Do you have a home somewhere else?

BRUCE:  
Um. No. I guess...I used to travel around a lot. I'm not used to...staying in one place for so long.

BOBBY:  
Tell me about where you were living before. Do you miss anything about it?

BRUCE:  
Well...it was warm. Aliens never attacked it.

BOBBY:  
_(Laughs)_  
Okay. But no...pieces of furniture...photos, art, anything like that? Nothing you regret leaving behind?

BRUCE:  
...No.

BOBBY:  
Okay, that’s fine. I’ll tell you what, I’m going to find some options for you to take a look at and maybe we can get a better sense of what you like and don’t like.

BRUCE:  
Oh, you don’t have to….

BOBBY:  
I kind of do, actually. It's literally the premise of our show. Trust me, I won’t make any changes you won’t like.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
BOBBY:  
_(Shakes head)_  
Literally the premise of our show, Bruce. Let us help you!

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
BRUCE:  
Okay….

BOBBY:  
So, I'll get started on that, and we’ll give you some space so Tan and Jonathan can do their thing.

BOBBY, ANTONI, & KARAMO:  
_(Exit)_

TAN:  
Where are your clothes?

BRUCE:  
You're looking at them.

TAN:  
Is there another drawer? A secret closet? Is everything in the wash?

BRUCE:  
...no?

TAN:  
You really only own one pair of trousers?

BRUCE:  
_(Gestures at self)_  
Well, I'm wearing these….

TAN:  
Okay, so two pairs. Well, the good news is, we're pretty much starting from a clean slate. What kind of clothes do you like to wear?

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_  
These are fine.

TAN:  
I’m hearing you describe a lot of things as “fine.” But what we want is for you to have things that are better than “fine.” Things that are “good,” “great,”--

JONATHAN:  
Fabulous, flawless, perfection, glamtronic….

BRUCE:  
I guess I don’t have anything glamtronic.

JONATHAN:  
You're telling me.

TAN:  
_(Holds up T-shirt with a kitten on it)_  
Are you a cat person?

BRUCE:  
Not especially...that’s Tony’s.

TAN:  
I see. What about this?  
_(Holds up Black Sabbath T-shirt)_

BRUCE:  
...Also Tony’s.

TAN:  
So what percentage of your wardrobe would you say is actually yours?

BRUCE:  
Well, I don’t like how Tony’s pants fit, so…those are mine. Um, and the shoes.

TAN:  
Bruce! Look, of course we all know it’s cute to borrow your boyfriend’s clothes--

BRUCE:  
T-Tony’s not my boyfriend.

TAN:  
I’m sorry, what do you call him?

BRUCE:  
He’s my friend.

JONATHAN:  
With benefits?

BRUCE:  
No, just...just my friend. And, coworker, I guess you could say.

JONATHAN:  
Are you telling me you never--

BRUCE:  
It’s not like that. He just let me borrow some stuff when I got here and then I guess I never got anything new. Does...does Tony want his shirts back? Is that what this is about?

TAN:  
No. That’s definitely not what this is about.

JONATHAN:  
You know Tony Stark is crazy rich, right? He could buy like a billion T-shirts.

BRUCE:  
Yeah….

JONATHAN:  
Like literally one billion T-shirts.

TAN:  
Your friend Pepper mentioned that she and Tony have both tried to get you some new things and you almost always refuse to take them. Could you tell me why? Clearly they can afford it.

BRUCE:  
I...well, it’s like I said before, I didn’t think I was going to stay here this long. But I, I don’t need….

TAN:  
You _do_ need some things. For starters, you’re being honored by the American Institute of Physics, and you don’t have anything presentable to wear.

BRUCE:  
Oh...I never go to those things.

JONATHAN:  
Oh my god, you’re so modest. You have to get out there and snatch those trophies!

TAN:  
We’ve heard that you’re...uncomfortable with the attention the Hulk gets. Is that fair to say?

BRUCE:  
Tony and Steve usually represent the Avengers in public...they’re much better at it than I would be.

TAN:  
But this award is for you, specifically, Dr. Bruce Banner. For, quote, "notable statesmanship in science." The work you did to help find the tesseract.

JONATHAN:  
I still don’t understand what that means but I’m so glad you did it!

BRUCE:  
Can’t Tony do it?

TAN:  
Tony didn’t get this award. Only you did.

BRUCE:  
But we worked together on that….

JONATHAN:  
So you gotta thank him in your speech! When people give you things, you should just smile and say thank you, not refuse to take the things.

BRUCE:  
Speech? I don't know....

TAN:  
Look, Bruce...your friends already RSVPed yes on your behalf. It's this week.

BRUCE:  
Oh.

TAN:  
That's what you get for not reading your own mail. Besides, this is a great opportunity for you to get out and show people the real you. But you can’t do it in a borrowed cat T-shirt.

BRUCE:  
I probably could. Most physicists aren’t known for their fashion sense.

TAN:  
Most physicists didn’t save the world from an alien invasion, either. You’re exceptional and you should look it.

BRUCE:  
_(Crosses arms, looks at floor)_

TAN:  
Now. Do you actually prefer natural fibers or are these linen trousers just what you happened to find in the rubbish bin?

BRUCE:  
I guess I like them. I haven't really thought about it.

TAN:  
Let's take a moment and think about it. Think about linen compared to polyester. Think about wool.

JONATHAN:  
Cotton, the fabric of our lives.

BRUCE:  
Um. Linen, cotton? I guess I usually dress for the climate. I, um, I was living in India before this, so I had lightweight material. I had a few suits made there--

TAN:  
Yes! It's so inexpensive to get nice quality suits made in India. I highly recommend that people look into this if they're traveling abroad.

BRUCE:  
Yeah, well, and I wanted--I wanted to show that I took my work seriously. Abroad, you see some American volunteers in shorts and T-shirts...it's disrespectful. But the one suit I brought with me from India was destroyed, in, um. With everything that happened.

TAN:  
Oh no, the attack on New York had fashion casualties?

BRUCE:  
_(Weak laugh)_  
Yeah. But here I'm mostly just in the air conditioning all day, so I don't need to dress for the heat.

TAN:  
Okay! Good, these are good, practical considerations. Do you have a favorite color?

BRUCE:  
Anything but green is fine.

TAN:  
I guess you get your fill of that.

BRUCE:  
Yeah.

TAN:  
So on a usual day you wear something like what you’re wearing now? Trousers and an Oxford shirt?

BRUCE:  
Yeah.

TAN:  
And that’s what you’d like to wear? Or would you prefer something else?  
_(Holds up hand)_  
Please do not use the word “fine” in your answer.

BRUCE:  
Yes...this is what I prefer. I guess I like to wear things that don't get in the way in the lab, but that...look a little more formal than a T-shirt. I don't want to wear a suit all the time or anything but I guess I do feel more comfortable if I'm, you know, a little more buttoned up. I usually just wear the T-shirts underneath, or to sleep in.

TAN:  
Okay! Thank you. I can work with this.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
TAN:  
Bruce is clearly a very reserved person and I think his fashion tastes...as much as he was able to describe them...reflect that. He doesn't want to draw attention to himself, he doesn't want to look too casual. But his clothes have to be practical for the work he does. I think he's going to feel _so_ much better when he has some clothes that are truly his.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
JONATHAN:  
Now it’s my turn!  
_(Ruffles Bruce’s hair)_

BRUCE:  
_(Flinches)_

JONATHAN:  
Aw, don’t be scared!

BRUCE:  
Sorry….

JONATHAN:  
No, honey, don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have touched your hair without asking. I just couldn’t resist those curls! That salt and pepper look, I’m living for it!

BRUCE:  
Thanks?

JONATHAN:  
You have to swear to me that you'll never dye it.

BRUCE:  
Sure, no problem there.

JONATHAN:  
Now, while you were chit-chatting with Tan, I went through your bathroom. It did not take long, but you actually have a few really nice products. Am I correct in assuming that you did not purchase them yourself?

BRUCE:  
Yeah, um, they’re Tony’s.

JONATHAN:  
Brucie baby, come in here with me.

BRUCE:  
_(Follows Jonathan)_

 _INT: Bruce's bathroom_  
JONATHAN:  
_(Shuts door)_  
You’re a doctor, right? Like a medical doctor?

BRUCE:  
Yes, I did a dual MD/PhD.

JONATHAN:  
Okay, so you have to help me out. I’m _dying_.

BRUCE:  
What’s wrong? What are your symptoms?

JONATHAN:  
I’m dying…of curiosity! Seriously, you’re telling me you and Tony are just friends? Just totally 100% platonic friends?

BRUCE:  
…Aren’t you supposed to do my hair or something?

JONATHAN:  
Do you see how he looks at you?!

BRUCE:  
That’s just how Tony looks.

JONATHAN:  
If you say so, babydoll, but he's not looking at _me_ like that.  
_(Sighs)_  
We'll move on...for now. How often do you wash your hair?

BRUCE:  
Every time I shower?

JONATHAN:  
So like every day?

BRUCE:  
_(Nods)_

JONATHAN:  
You’re literally killing me. This is a violation of your Hippocratic oath.

BRUCE:  
…

JONATHAN:  
These gorgeous curls only need to be washed a couple times a week! And this shampoo is formulated for hair that is straight, unlike the rest of Tony Stark.

BRUCE:  
...

JONATHAN:  
Straight hair. He has straight hair. Get it? Wordplay.

BRUCE:  
Okay. If I get some different shampoo will you please stop yelling at me?

JONATHAN:  
No, I also need to tell you about essential oils! They’ll help you relax!

* * *

Day 2

 _INT: Kitchen_  
KARAMO:  
Hey, Bruce, how are you doing?

BRUCE:  
Fine.

KARAMO:  
Let me ask you this: if you weren’t doing fine, would you tell anyone?

BRUCE:  
…

KARAMO:  
Now, I don’t necessarily mean me, although you can definitely talk to me. I know we just met, though, so I understand if you don't want to open up to me just yet. But sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone you don't know as well.

BRUCE:  
Mmm.

KARAMO:  
You know, to get ready for this show, we talk to people about you. Oh, you look so nervous, Bruce, it’s okay. Everyone in your life cares about you. They want you to be happy.

BRUCE:  
_(Under his breath)_  
Not everyone.

KARAMO:  
What do you mean by that?

BRUCE:  
No, nothing.

KARAMO:  
I understand that you’ve been through some hard times, Bruce, and it’s totally understandable that you don’t want to talk about it.

BRUCE:  
...

KARAMO:  
Okay. We can move on. What do you do for fun?

BRUCE:  
For fun?

KARAMO:  
When you’re not working.

BRUCE:  
Well...I love my work.

KARAMO:  
You know what, so do I. But I still need to take a break once in awhile so I don’t get burned out. I like to work out, read, go out to shows...what do you like to do? Besides, you know, look through microscopes.

BRUCE:  
...Look through microscopes?

KARAMO:  
I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you do.

BRUCE:  
That's okay. I don't really understand what you do either.

KARAMO:  
That's fair. For the show I'm the _(air quotes)_ culture expert, which can mean all kinds of things, depending on who I'm working with. The other guys, you know, it's a little more clearly defined. But basically what I like to think I do is to help people once all their basic needs have been met. You know, you've got food, shelter, clothes, you don't have to worry about that...so beyond basic subsistence, what makes life worth living? What's, kind of, the cherry on top? Maybe it's some kind of artistic endeavor, maybe it's a new sport, maybe just finding a way to open up to new connections....

BRUCE:  
Oh. That's actually really nice.

KARAMO:  
I think so. So are you gonna work with me here? What do you like to do, besides...whatever your work is?

BRUCE:  
I like to read.

KARAMO:  
See, I would count that, except that little bookshelf in your room seems to only have stuff that a science professor would assign for extra credit.

BRUCE:  
That stuff is interesting to me.

KARAMO:  
I can tell. But just for variety, when was the last time you read some fiction, maybe?

BRUCE:  
I read the one about the wizard. Um. _Harry Potter_?

KARAMO:  
Okay, great. Did you like it?

BRUCE:  
It was cute. I, uh, was mostly reading it to practice my Hindi.

KARAMO:  
You read _Harry Potter_ in Hindi?

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_

KARAMO:  
Of course you did. And how long ago was that?

BRUCE:  
...It’s been awhile.

KARAMO:  
Okay. Any other hobbies?

BRUCE:  
I do yoga.

KARAMO:  
That's good. Do you take classes anywhere?

BRUCE:  
No, I usually just put out a mat in my bedroom.

KARAMO:  
Mmm. So tell me, when was the last time you went outside this building?

BRUCE:  
I don't really…ah, we went out for dinner a couple weeks ago maybe?

KARAMO:  
You're living in one of the world's greatest cities and all you do is work in your lab and do yoga in your sad bedroom?

BRUCE:  
I--I mean, there's a lot of things in this building.

KARAMO:  
There's a lot outside, too. Fresh air, the sun, museums...pigeons….

BRUCE:  
It's not like I'm a shut-in, it's just not...I just want to make sure it's...safe.

KARAMO:  
_(Nods)_  
Bruce, can we speak frankly?

BRUCE:  
We haven't been so far?

KARAMO:  
I know that you're worried about the Hulk. But I've heard on good authority that you haven't had any accidental transformations in _years_. Is that right?

BRUCE:  
More or less.

KARAMO:  
What do you mean by that?

BRUCE:  
I guess you'd say...without outside...instigation.

KARAMO:  
You mean Loki.

BRUCE:  
Right.

KARAMO:  
Not like, somebody nudging you on the subway.

BRUCE:  
No, no.

KARAMO:  
And before you came to New York, you were living in Calcutta, is that right?

BRUCE:  
...Yes.

KARAMO:  
And you never had any problems there?

BRUCE:  
Not--not that kind of problem, no.

KARAMO:  
And that's a pretty majorly crowded city, right?

BRUCE:  
_(Nods)_

KARAMO:  
And you were working as a doctor, helping low-income patients?

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs, nods)_

KARAMO:  
That sounds like stressful work.

BRUCE:  
I...I like helping people.

KARAMO:  
That doesn't mean it wasn't stressful.

BRUCE:  
Okay, sure, sometimes.

KARAMO  
So if you've been through all that without issue, I think you can handle a trip to a bookstore, right?

BRUCE:  
Look, I'm just--I'm just trying to...I don't want anyone to get hurt.

KARAMO:  
Of course not. But I don't believe you're going to hurt anyone. I don't think you'd be here if you _really_ thought that was a possibility. I think that might be an excuse you're making.

BRUCE:  
You don't--you don't understand what it's like. What the Hulk is like.

KARAMO:  
Look, Bruce, I can't pretend that I know what it's like to turn into a super-strong green guy. But I know what it's like to afraid to be vulnerable. It's scary! Maybe not as scary as fighting aliens...but pretty close, right?

BRUCE:  
_(Crosses arms)_

KARAMO:  
But it's worth it. If you don't take the risk to be vulnerable, you can't ever get close to anyone. Earlier, you kept saying you weren't sure why you were sticking around, that you didn't mean to stay in New York for so long. But do you really not know, or do you just not want to admit it?

BRUCE:  
I mean I….

KARAMO:  
Okay. I know you've been traveling around a lot. Were you on your own that whole time?

BRUCE:  
Yes.

KARAMO:  
That must have been lonely.

BRUCE:  
You get used to it.

KARAMO:  
But now you're not alone. Right?

BRUCE:  
It just feels...selfish.

KARAMO:  
What feels selfish?

BRUCE:  
To...it's dangerous. I'm dangerous. It's selfish for me to expect anyone to...to live near me.

KARAMO:  
Okay. Well, didn't you just agree that you hadn't had any accidental...transformations in quite some time?

BRUCE:  
One time is all it takes!

KARAMO:  
One car accident is all it takes, but people still drive.

BRUCE:  
I'm not--that's not the same.

KARAMO:  
_(Shrugs)_  
Now, you're here at Avengers Tower by invitation, right? You didn't just start squatting?

BRUCE:  
No, yeah, it--I am. Invited.

KARAMO:  
So don't you think that the people who invited you can make their own decisions about what risk they find acceptable?

BRUCE:  
…

KARAMO:  
So your new friends are open to you, they trust you. You need to let them. You need to trust them back. Does that make sense?

BRUCE:  
I guess.

KARAMO:  
You don't sound convinced.

BRUCE:  
It's just...it's just been a long time.

KARAMO:  
Can I give you a hug?

BRUCE:  
...Okay.

KARAMO & BRUCE:  
_(Hug)_

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
KARAMO: I was waiting so long to do that! I've never met anybody who needed a hug more than Bruce Banner.

 _INT: Kitchen_  
KARAMO:  
Now, finish your tea, we're taking a trip.

BRUCE:  
_(Drinks tea)_

 _INT: Strand Bookstore_  
KARAMO:  
Okay. We're here at one of the largest bookstores in the country. They say they have 18 miles of books! How are you feeling?

BRUCE:  
Fine.

KARAMO:  
For real?

BRUCE:  
Yeah.

KARAMO:  
Okay. Good. But if this starts feeling like too much, let me know, and we can leave. I'm serious.

BRUCE:  
Okay.

KARAMO:  
Before we get started, can you do me a favor and stand up straight?

BRUCE:  
Hmm?

KARAMO:  
You're standing there with your shoulders all hunched...that's probably why you have to do so much yoga, just to undo everything your bad posture is doing. Just take a deep breath and lift your shoulders up and back.

BRUCE:  
_(Breathes, stands)_

KARAMO:  
There you go, that's better. Try to keep that up, check in with your posture every so often. I think you'll really notice a difference. Anyway, the reason I brought you here to just to look around and find something to read. Something just for fun.

BRUCE:  
Okay, sure.  
_(Heads for the science section)_

KARAMO:  
_(Sighs)_  
Baby steps.  
_(Heads for the fiction section)_

KARAMO:  
_(Puts an arm around Bruce)_  
What did you find?

BRUCE:  
Um, it's called _Radium Girls_ , it's about women who worked with radium before they knew how harmful it was…

KARAMO:  
And this is...fun?

BRUCE:  
Well...maybe not fun, but it sounds really interesting. I mean, I know about radium, of course, but the social history here...

KARAMO:  
What about  _The Martian_? Did you read that?  
_(Hands Bruce a copy)_

BRUCE:  
Oh...no, I haven't.

KARAMO:  
It's supposed to be very realistic, in terms of the science.

BRUCE:  
Hmm.

KARAMO:  
Do you want to try it?

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_  
Sure.

KARAMO:  
Maybe you can start an Avengers book club.

BRUCE:  
_(Polite laughter)_  
Maybe.

KARAMO:  
Okay. Do you want to look at anything else, or should we head back?

BRUCE:  
We can go back.

 _INT: Living room_  
KARAMO:  
How do you feel, Bruce?

BRUCE:  
Fi--good.

KARAMO:  
_(Smiles)_  
Good. I want to thank you for spending some time with me this morning.

BRUCE:  
Yeah, uh, thank you. It was...nice to get out.

KARAMO:  
I got you a few other things, too.  
_(Holds out bag)_

TONY:  
_(Enters)_  
Bruce! You're back.

BRUCE:  
We were gone for like an hour.

TONY:  
It felt longer. Are you guys done? Can you come see what I've been working on? I think I figured out what was getting jammed before.

KARAMO:  
_Actually_ , Bruce and I were just talking about how important it is to have a good work-life balance, to prevent getting burned out.

TONY:  
Oh yeah...I've heard about that concept. So…what you're saying is….

KARAMO:  
Bruce is taking a break.

BRUCE:  
Well, I just took a break though, at the bookstore.

KARAMO:  
Don't you want to read about, um, the...girls with radiation poisoning?

TONY:  
What? No. I promise you, my thing is more fun.

KARAMO:  
_(Sighs)_  
I tried to get him to pick out some light reading.

TONY:  
_(Picks up bag of books)_  
_Radium Girls_ , obviously that's Bruce's pick, he's such a little ray of sunshine...what is that, _The Martian_? I saw the movie. Spoiler, he gets back from Mars. And an inspirational adult coloring book?  
_(Throws bag of books down on couch)_

KARAMO:  
Some people find them relaxing.

TONY:  
_(Laughs)_  
Did you really think coloring in a flower with an inspirational quote on it is going to relax Bruce?

KARAMO:  
It's part of an ongoing process.

TONY:  
Come on, this will just take a few minutes and then you can get back to your coloring book makeover.  
_(Takes Bruce by the hand and pulls him out of the room)_

BRUCE:  
_(Looks back over his shoulder)_  
Sorry...I'll read it later, I promise.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
KARAMO:  
Well, I tried!

 _INT: Kitchen_  
ANTONI:  
Bruce, I hear you're already a pretty skilled cook.

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_  
I do okay.

JONATHAN:  
You don't know the baseline he's been working with. If you've ever like, seen a vegetable in your life, you're doing amazing.

BRUCE:  
_(Laughs)_

ANTONI:  
I do hear that sometimes you get carried away with work and forget to eat?

BRUCE:  
Um, I guess.

JONATHAN:  
Pack a Lunchable!

ANTONI:  
Not a Lunchable, those are filled with preservatives. But it is important to remember to take care of yourself. But you're a doctor, you should already know this.

BRUCE:  
...Yeah.

ANTONI:  
So I thought we could just skip all that and could try something fun, something a little more advanced. Do you do much baking?

BRUCE:  
No, not really.

ANTONI:  
You know, a lot of people like baking as kind of a stress-relief. You know, it can be almost kind of a zen thing, you just follow the steps exactly and then you get something delicious you can share.

BRUCE:  
I could always use some more zen.

ANTONI:  
So we're making macarons today.

BRUCE:  
Okay.

ANTONI:  
Have you had a macaron before?

BRUCE:  
Sure.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft  
_ ANTONI:  
A lot of people get macarons and macaroons confused. They both start with an egg white meringue, but macarons are made with almond flour and macaroons use shredded coconut, for a completely different texture. Macarons always have some kind of filling, and they're really adaptable to take on any flavor imaginable.  
  
JONATHAN:  
Just like me!

 _INT: Kitchen_  
ANTONI:  
So tasty, right? But have you ever made a macaron?

BRUCE:  
No.

ANTONI:  
So it is kind of a finicky recipe. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for a beginner, but I'm confident that you're up to it. The first thing is, we're going to double-sift the dry ingredients.

JONATHAN:  
Wait, how long is it going to be until there are actual cookies I can steal?

ANTONI:  
Oh...a couple hours.

JONATHAN:  
Oh my god. I'll check back in with you later.

 _INT: Kitchen, later_  
JONATHAN:  
It smells amazing in here.

ANTONI:  
Look at these beautiful macarons Bruce made! The cookies came out perfectly. Now they just need filling.

BRUCE:  
_(Stirs bowl of filling)_  
I think it's ready.

TONY:  
_(Enters)_  
Oh my god, it smells amazing in here. Usually you just make hummus or something else that smells like compost.

ANTONI:  
Hummus does _not_ smell like compost.

TONY:  
_(Dips finger in bowl of filling, licks finger)_  
This is incredible. Is that, is there Nutella in this?

BRUCE:  
Mm-hmm.

TONY:  
Did you try it?

BRUCE:  
Not yet, it's not done….

TONY:  
_(Dips finger in filling, holds finger up to Bruce's mouth)_  
Try it!

BRUCE:  
_(Sighs, licks finger)_

JONATHAN & ANTONI:  
_(Stare at each other, then at the camera)_

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Hand to god, I have seen pornography that was less sexually charged than that moment.

 _INT: Kitchen_  
TONY:  
See? It's good.

BRUCE:  
Yeah. But it'll probably be better once I, uh, finish the cookies. It's a whole thing.

TONY:  
Seems like kind of a waste. We could just eat this part.

ANTONI:  
Stop this! You need to respect the baking process.

TONY:  
_(Laughs)_

BRUCE:  
I'll let you know if there's any extra after we fill the cookies.

TONY:  
Mm, I hope there will be.

BRUCE:  
_(Stirs filling)_

TONY:  
Okay, well...I'll let you guys finish, but I'll be in the living room if you want to watch Jeopardy later.

BRUCE:  
Sounds good.

TONY:  
JARVIS DVRed it. It's still the Tournament of Champions.

BRUCE:  
_(Smiles)_

TONY:  
_(Exits)_

JONATHAN:  
Oh my god, Bruce, what was that!

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs)_  
We like Jeopardy.

JONATHAN:  
He put his finger in your _mouth_.

BRUCE:  
Um, Antoni, do you have another pastry bag?

ANTONI:  
Okay, so just squeeze a thin layer of filling on each bottom--

JONATHAN:  
It is getting so filthy in here. I love it.

BRUCE:  
_(Squeezes filling onto macaron)_  
Like this?

ANTONI:  
Perfection.

JONATHAN:  
Seriously, Bruce, are you really not interested in him? You cannot look me in the face with your own two eyes and tell me that he's not interested in you, not after _that_.

BRUCE:  
_(Squeezes filling onto macaron)_

JONATHAN:  
I mean you are--can I ask, how do you identify? You cannot tell me you are straight, and he's clearly not.

BRUCE:  
_(Squeezes filling onto macaron)_  
No, it's not--I mean, I'm bi, it's just--oh, shoot.

ANTONI:  
It's fine. We can clean up the edges with a paper towel afterward. Jonathan, stop distracting him from these beautiful macarons!

JONATHAN:  
Me! I'm not the one who came in here and stuck my finger in his mouth.

ANTONI:  
I guess it is pretty romantic, this whole inter-Avengers romance.

BRUCE:  
That's not what this is.

JONATHAN:  
But why not? Because you're really not interested, or because you're scared?

BRUCE:  
_(Squeezes filling onto macaron)_

ANTONI:  
Maybe you should let this go, JVN.

BRUCE:  
Don't worry, I'm fine.

ANTONI:  
I'm not worried about you! I'm worried about the macarons.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
ANTONI:  
I was also a little worried about him but it seemed rude to say.

 _INT: Kitchen_  
JONATHAN:  
_(Wraps dish towel around head)_  
Okay, okay, I'll take off my yenta shawl. At least until you finish making these tasty treats.  
_(Removes dish towel, flips hair)_  
What about the rest of the Avengers? Are they single?

BRUCE:  
Um.

JONATHAN:  
Is Thor single?

BRUCE:  
He, uh, I think it's kind of complicated.

JONATHAN:  
I can work with that.

ANTONI:  
Okay! These are some beautiful macarons.

JONATHAN:  
Can I eat one now?

ANTONI:  
If Bruce says you can have one.

BRUCE:  
Oh, of course.

JONATHAN:  
Yesss, thank you, honey. Ooh, these are delicious. These are husband-catching cookies.

BRUCE:  
_(Washes dishes)_

ANTONI:  
Bruce, you did such a good job, why don't you let me clean up? You can take a couple of these and go watch Jeopardy?  
_(Hands him a plate of cookies)_

BRUCE:  
...Okay, thanks.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Full disclosure, before we left for the day, I went to spy on them in the living room and they were actually just watching Jeopardy. Not any canoodling at all! I could not believe.

ANTONI:  
I'm not sure you were as stealthy as you thought you were.

JONATHAN:  
How dare you, I was full Nancy Drew. No, I was full Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels.  
_(Strikes Charlie's Angels pose)_

* * *

Day 3

 _INT: Kitchen_  
TAN:  
Good morning, Bruce!

BRUCE:  
Hey, morning.

TAN:  
Did you have a nice breakfast?

BRUCE:  
Sure.

TAN:  
Good, you'll need energy today, because we're going on a fashion adventure!

BRUCE:  
Oh.

KARAMO:  
Whoa, calm down, don't get _too_ excited.

BRUCE:  
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. It just seems like...kind of a waste?

TAN:  
A waste of what?

BRUCE:  
Time, money...fabric?

TAN:  
It isn't. Time and money that you invest in yourself are never wasted.

KARAMO:  
Bruce, it seems like what you value most about yourself is your ability to help others.

BRUCE:  
_(Shrugs, nods)_

KARAMO:  
So even if you don't see the value of taking care of yourself for yourself, just think of it this way--if you're well-rested, well-fed, well-dressed...you're going to be a more productive person. Other people are going to take you more seriously, and then you can get them to take your work seriously.

BRUCE:  
I'm going to be honest, I have not had a lot of trouble getting people to take me seriously.

KARAMO:  
_(Laughs)_  
Okay, I get that. But let's be real, you have a platform now. I know you've said you'd rather let Tony and Steve represent the Avengers, but people would listen to you, too. For example, this award ceremony you have coming up...have you thought about what you want to say?

BRUCE:  
No, I don't--I don't know. I'd rather just--just let my work speak for itself, I guess.

KARAMO:  
Hmm. Why don't you spend some time thinking about that? I think you have more to say than just, you know, equations.

BRUCE:  
…Equations?

KARAMO:  
I'm sorry, I still just don't quite understand what you do.

TAN:  
So keep that in mind, Bruce--think about what you might want to say to people who don't understand your work on its own. Which, I have to say, is...a lot of people.

BRUCE:  
_(Sighs)_

TAN:  
But first we're going to get your new suit fitted!

BRUCE:  
_(Sighs)_

 _INT: Tailor's Fitting Room_  
TAN:  
This is my friend Alex, he started this suit based on your measurements. We just want to make sure it's fitting right and make any final alterations before your big night.

ALEX:  
It's an honor to meet you, Dr. Banner.

BRUCE:  
Oh...thanks. It's nice to meet you too.

ALEX:  
So based on what Tan told me about you, here's what I've put together. This is charcoal mid-weight wool. It's very classic, not quite as formal as black, and it's very versatile. You could wear it with almost any color underneath, but I've paired it with this plum shirt. It's a little different, a little eye-catching, but not too much. Why don't you try it on and we'll see what you think?

BRUCE:  
Okay.

TAN:  
We'll step outside, let us know when you're ready.

BRUCE:  
_(Changes, stares at self in mirror)_

TAN:  
Bruce, is everything alright?

BRUCE:  
Yeah, sorry, you can come in. I think I just spaced out a little.

TAN:  
Wow, let's have a look. What do you think, Bruce?

BRUCE:  
It's...it's really nice.

TAN:  
What do you think when you look in the mirror?

BRUCE:  
Um. I don't know, it's just….

ALEX:  
You don't like it? We can change it.

BRUCE:  
No, no! No, I'm sorry, it's great. I just don't--I haven't--I don't look in the mirror much.

TAN:  
Well, do you like what you see when you look in the mirror right now?

BRUCE:  
I mean--I mean, yeah, this is a really nice suit.

ALEX:  
I think I'd like to take in the shoulders a little bit more, give you more of a structured silhouette. Stand up straight, hold still, I'm going to put some pins in. ... okay, great. You can get changed out of this, and I'll be back in a moment.  
_(Exits, followed by Tan)_

BRUCE:  
_(Changes, exits fitting room)_

TAN:  
Bruce, is everything alright? I know you've been reluctant about this process, but you really do need a suit.

BRUCE:  
No, it's--it's really nice. I like it. Thank you.

TAN:  
It seems like something is bothering you.

BRUCE:  
I guess it just makes me think about--well, it's been a long time since I--I've been out of it for a pretty long time, I guess.

TAN:  
Well, now you have the right wardrobe to get back into it. Whatever "it" is.

BRUCE:  
Just life, I guess.

TAN:  
Well, welcome back.  
_(Hugs Bruce)_

BRUCE:  
Thanks.

TAN:  
You just have one last task...don’t worry, it’s an easy one. Just pick out a tie to go with your new suit.

BRUCE:  
Oh, any of them are--

TAN:  
If you say “fine,” I will pick out a tie, and strangle you with it.

BRUCE:  
Oh...uh, I guess this red one is good?

TAN:  
_(Smiles)_  
Yes, I think it will go very nicely with the plum and the charcoal. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

BRUCE:  
I guess not.

TAN:  
Do you know how to tie a tie?

BRUCE:  
Yes?

TAN:  
You don’t sound too confident.

BRUCE:  
I mean, of course I do, but it’s maybe been awhile?

TAN:  
Here, show me. ...Oh, very good. See, you know what you’re doing! You just have to have confidence.

BRUCE:  
I’ve been hearing that a lot this week.

 _INT: Salon_  
JONATHAN:  
Now it's my turn with this gorgeous genius!

BRUCE:  
Hi, Jonathan.

JONATHAN:  
We're not doing anything maj today, just a little trim and a hot shave. Now get in the chair, Brucie-goosie.

BRUCE:  
_(Sits)_

JONATHAN:  
So we'll just start by washing your hair...let me know if the water is too hot.

BRUCE:  
It's fine. It's nice.

JONATHAN:  
We're not doing too much here today, just a little baby trim. If we cut your hair too much, she'll lose that gorgeous curl and we don't want that.  
_(Cuts hair)_

Okay, now I'm going to give you a nice hot shave. 

BRUCE:  
Oh, but--

JONATHAN:  
Don't worry, honey, I'm a professional. I've never cut anyone. Now, look, it's not that you're not _working_ that 5 o'clock shadow, but they're just so nice and relaxing. Your skin is gorgeous and I know I didn't see any moisturizer in your bathroom.

BRUCE:  
_(Unintelligible)_

JONATHAN:  
Tell me your secrets after I take the towel off your face, honey. Let me guess, you've been borrowing Tony's moisturizer.

BRUCE:  
No, uh, I know what you mean--it's kind of a side effect--my cells regenerate faster than, uh, normal.

JONATHAN:  
Beautiful Bruce, you need to figure out how to bottle that!

BRUCE:  
Yeah, uh, it's not…I wouldn't recommend the overall package.

JONATHAN:  
Fine, I'll just stick to my usual 11-step skincare routine.

BRUCE:  
Yeah.

JONATHAN:  
Now instead of a harsh aftershave, I'm going to put some diluted lavender essential oil on your face, just to keep this relaxing vibe going. And now for your hair, we're just going to add a little bit of leave-in conditioner, a little bit of pomade...it's so easy to add to your routine. And look, see how handsome!

BRUCE:  
_(Looks, shrugs)_

JONATHAN:  
I know you maybe don't think this is as important as like, literally saving the world, but it's just important to take these little moments and these little steps for yourself. Like, on a plane, when they say you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others?

BRUCE:  
You're saying if aliens attack Earth again I should make sure to put product in my hair before I leave the house?

JONATHAN:  
Mmm, okay, in that specific situation, I would have to say no, you would have my blessing to skip the pomade. But just in your day to day life...you're not out there, you know, Avenger-ing it up _every day_ , so you gotta take care of yourself so you're ready when we need you. You know?

BRUCE:  
Okay.

JONATHAN:  
Now the last thing I have for you is some shea butter. With your skin...situation...you probably don't need to apply it every day, but what it's really great for, is if your skin gets irritated by what we call beard burn.

BRUCE:  
…

JONATHAN:  
Like if you kind of aggressively make out with someone who has a beard, or like a really iconic goatee, you know how it feels nice in the moment but then afterwards it makes your face hurt? You don't have to say anything, I know you know what I'm talking about, anyway the shea butter is really nice for that. And she's all natural, all organic....

BRUCE:  
…

JONATHAN:  
Okay, well, when we get back, I'll leave it in your medicine cabinet.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Beard burn is a serious concern! Oh, that rhymes. Anyway, he'll thank me later.

 _INT: Salon_  
BRUCE:  
...Sure.

JONATHAN:  
It's also good if you get dry skin on your elbows and knees in the winter.

BRUCE:  
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

JONATHAN:  
Well, I think we're all done here, you super sexy hero, let's get back and see what kind of magic Bobby's been working!

 _INT: Living room_  
BOBBY:  
Hey Bruce, love the hair.

BRUCE:  
Thanks.

BOBBY:  
So while you've been busy getting glam, I've been making some changes around here. I know that you consider this maybe a temporary living situation, so I tried to focus on things that could be portable, or just small changes that can really make a big difference in your comfort level. Are you ready to see?

BRUCE:  
Sure.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
BOBBY:  
So, you can see we didn't do anything big like painting or new furniture, but I did get you some new blackout curtains. I understand that you maybe don't always keep a strictly nocturnal sleep schedule, and those should really help you out if you're trying to sleep when the sun's up.

BRUCE:  
_(Smiles)_  
That's really thoughtful.

BOBBY:  
Now, if you look on the bed, you'll see that there's a new blanket. This is a weighted blanket, they can really help some people with anxiety.

BRUCE:  
_(Picks up blanket)_

BOBBY:  
If that doesn't work for you, though, your other duvet is in the closet.

BRUCE:  
No, it's...it's...thank you.

BOBBY:  
And of course you probably noticed that you've gotten some pieces of flair, just to, you know, reduce the hotel room vibe. A couple of succulents in the window--these do not take a lot of maintenance to keep going, just mist them with water a few times a week or so. And then just a few framed prints. Some Ansel Adams, some vintage National Parks posters--just to remind you there's life outside these walls, right?

BRUCE:  
Yeah. Thank you.

BOBBY:  
And I'll let Tan show you…

TAN:  
The closet! Take a look, it's full of your very own clothes. Simple, practical things--but _your_ things, in your size and your style.

BRUCE:  
Thank you. That's...thank you.

JONATHAN:  
And your bathroom is all set with products for _your_ hair type, just to keep you glowed up. Plus the essential oils, and shea butter, like we talked about.

BRUCE:  
This is all so nice, thank you all.

BOBBY:  
But wait, there's more!

BRUCE:  
Oh?

JONATHAN:  
Ooh, Bobby, I love your game show host voice.

BOBBY:  
So you mentioned that you don't spend that much time in your room--although maybe now that it has a little more character, you will want to? But so I also made some additions to your work space, since you seem to spend a lot of time there.

KARAMO:  
Arguably too much time.

BOBBY:  
Well, so it might as well be comfortable. Shall we take a look?

BRUCE:  
Sure.

 _INT: Lab_  
BOBBY:  
So there's a new couch in the corner, and a fridge, so you can take a little break from your...science.

TONY:  
Oh, a fridge is a good idea, I can't believe we didn't have one before.

BOBBY:  
Glad you approve.

ANTONI:  
And there's healthy snacks in the fridge!

TONY:  
What about those macarons?

BRUCE:  
You and Rhodey ate them all.

TONY:  
_(Sighs)_

BRUCE:  
If you ask nicely, maybe I'll make some more.

ANTONI:  
Yes! Build those baking skills.

BOBBY:  
Okay, so also, I know you've lost a lot of your personal effects, so I contacted the schools you studied at and got replacement diplomas, which I had framed and hung up here. You worked hard for those, you should have a place to display them.

JONATHAN:  
Plus now if anyone disagrees with you, you can just point at those and be like, "check my receipts, honey."

TONY:  
Hey, just because someone has more degrees than someone else doesn't mean anything.

BRUCE:  
No, no, of course not. Um, just remind me, though, where did you go to grad school?

TONY:  
_(Crosses arms)_  
It so happens I didn't need a graduate degree in order to run a multi-billion dollar tech company.

BRUCE:  
_(Laughs)_

BOBBY:  
Okay, before this escalates...there's one other thing I want to show you. I think it'll help us calm down.

BRUCE:  
Oh, sorry, I'm just joking.

BOBBY:  
Well, I'm not, I really do have something else to show you.

 _INT: Yoga studio_  
BOBBY:  
I don't know if you noticed, but this building has a lot of space in it, so I got permission to turn this unused conference room into a yoga studio.

BRUCE:  
Oh, it's really nice.

BOBBY:  
And it's something you can share with your teammates, if you choose. I'm sure you're not the only one around here who could stand to de-stress now and again.

BRUCE:  
That's...true.

TONY:  
I can't imagine what you're talking about. Oh, Pepper? Yeah, Pepper could for sure use some yoga. Wait, is that a sex swing?

BOBBY:  
It's a yoga swing.

TONY:  
Mm-hmm.

BRUCE:  
I think it's great, Bobby, thank you.

BOBBY:  
_(Puts an arm around Bruce)_  
You're so welcome. It's been an honor to get to know you.

JONATHAN:  
Aww, let's do a group hug!

BRUCE:  
_(Flinches)_

JONATHAN:  
We'll be gentle, I pinky-promise.

BRUCE:  
...Okay.  
_(Group hug)_

ANTONI:  
It's not so bad, right?

BRUCE:  
_(Muffled)_  
It's nice, thank you.

JONATHAN:  
Now, how many people can that swing hold?

BOBBY:  
I think just one! Don't break it!

TONY:  
One? That's terrible for a sex swing.

BOBBY:  
_(Sighs)_

BRUCE:  
I apologize on Tony's behalf...I really do appreciate everything you all have done.

TONY:  
Wait, hang on, I appreciate it, too. Sex swing aside...it's been really great to see Bruce actually let somebody do something nice for him.

BRUCE:  
Hey, you do plenty.

TAN:  
It's been our absolute pleasure.

KARAMO:  
Definitely. But this is where we leave you. Bruce, if there's anything you take away from this, I hope it's just knowing how much people care about you.

JONATHAN:  
And essential oils! But also absolutely what Karamo said.

BRUCE:  
_(Smiles)_  
Thank you. I'll...try.

JONATHAN:  
Bye Bruce! Thanks again for saving the world!

BRUCE:  
Oh...that was mostly Tony.

TONY:  
It was a group effort, and you're welcome.

FAB 5:  
_(Exit)_

* * *

Day 4

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
ANTONI:  
It’s Bruce’s big day, and I made us macarons so we can celebrate along with him.

JONATHAN:  
But who will feed me frosting off their finger?

ANTONI:  
Here.  
_(Holds macaron up to Jonathan’s mouth)_

JONATHAN:  
That wasn’t quite the same, but it’s still a really good cookie. Anyway seriously, I’m so happy for Bruce to get his science prize, but can we just talk about what’s up with him and Tony?! You could cut that sexual tension with a laser.

ANTONI:  
I think you could cut anything with a laser.

JONATHAN:  
I was just trying to, you know, Iron Man up the saying. Anybody can cut tension with a knife, that's so basic.

KARAMO:  
Maybe it’s just like a Band of Brothers thing? Like they’ve been in battle together and now they’re really close?

JONATHAN:  
Okay but like I didn’t see Captain America in there sizzling up that kitchen.

TAN:  
Maybe we shouldn’t pry? Besides, I want to see what he’s wearing.

BOBBY:  
His very own clothes, thanks to you!

JONATHAN:  
He looks amazing. Ooh yes, use that pomade. He is serving silver fox realness.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
TONY:  
_(Enters)_  
Hey Bruce, you look fancy.

BRUCE:  
So do you.

TONY:  
Let me just fix your tie.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
TAN:  
_(Gasps)_  
But his tie was perfect before!

JONATHAN:  
Yasss Tony, make your move. Ooh, that is some intense eye contact over this tie situation.

ANTONI:  
I’m not sure that the problem is that Tony hasn’t been making moves....

KARAMO:  
Bruce has definitely been doing his best to push people away.

JONATHAN:  
But this is the new Bruce! Ooh, they’re so cute.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
TONY:  
There. Perfect.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
TAN:  
Bruce never smiled like that when I checked his tie.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
TONY:  
You ready?

BRUCE:  
As I’ll ever be.

TONY:  
Hey. If it gets to be too much, just say the word and we’ll leave. Seriously, they can send your certificate in the mail.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Aww, look at him, all protective.

KARAMO:  
I do have to say, it will not make for great television if he doesn't go to the ceremony.

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
BRUCE:  
Thanks, Tony...but no, I'm okay. I should go. We should go.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
KARAMO:  
Great job, Bruce.

ANTONI:  
You got this, Bruce!

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
PEPPER  & RHODEY:  
_(Enter)_

PEPPER:  
Oh, Bruce! You look great.

BRUCE:  
No, _you_ look great.

RHODEY:  
Hey, don't fight, we all look great.

TONY:  
He's got a point.

RHODEY:  
You definitely do clean up nicely, Banner.

BRUCE:  
Thanks, it's the essential oils.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Yasss!

 _INT: Bruce's bedroom_  
PEPPER:  
So you had a good time with the Queer Eye guys?

BRUCE:  
You know, I did. Thanks.

PEPPER:  
I knew it was a great idea. Now let's get you over to the American Institute of Physics award ceremony.

TONY:  
It's not like they're gonna start without him.

BRUCE:  
Counterpoint: the sooner we start, the sooner I can get it over with.

TONY:  
Hey. We're all going to be right in the front, okay? Just look at us and don't worry about anyone else in that audience.

PEPPER:  
_(Kisses Bruce on the cheek)_  
You're going to be amazing.

TONY:  
_(Whispers, inaudible)_

BRUCE:  
_(Smiles)_

 _INT: Hotel ballroom_  
DR. LEE:  
And now, it's my great honor to present this year's Karl Taylor Compton Medal for Leadership in Physics. This medal honors distinguished physicists who have demonstrated notable statesmanship in science. Now, I know that we all know that science can save the world, but this year's recipient has perhaps demonstrated that a little more literally than usual. On behalf of the American Institute of Physics, I'd like to present this medal to Dr. Bruce Banner, for his extraordinary work in applying his studies of gamma radiation to furthering humanity's understanding of the Chitauri alien technology. Please join me in welcoming Dr. Banner.

AUDIENCE:  
_(Applause, standing ovation)_

BRUCE:  
Oh. Oh wow, thank you. This is so...much.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Oh no, look at that sweet little baby Bambi in headlights, I think he's gonna puke.

KARAMO:  
No, he's got this.

 _INT: Hotel ballroom_  
BRUCE:  
_(Takes a deep breath, looks down into audience, stands up straighter)_  
I want to thank you all for this award, it's...it's very nice to be recognized by my peers in this way. I'm very grateful that my research was useful in a time of need. I think...I think a lot of the work that we do can feel so abstract, it can be hard to think about how it might ever apply to the real world. A lot of people don't even understand what it is we do, even though everyone benefits from the advances we make.

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
KARAMO:  
I feel a little called out right now.

JONATHAN:  
Don't worry honey, I think the only people on Earth who actually understand what Bruce does are all in that ballroom right now.

 _INT: Hotel ballroom_  
BRUCE:  
And I--I'm so flattered to receive this award, but I need to acknowledge that I didn't--that I couldn't--have done my work alone. Of course, none of us do, we all benefit from the work of people who came before us, people who taught us, people who share labs with us.

On this specific project I was so lucky to meet and work with Tony Stark, whose brilliance is obviously well-known. But in addition to his technical expertise, he also treated me with such...humanity, during a time when that was in shorter supply, and that support kept me going through...through everything. And I know we're in some...some scary new times, but I just think that if there's anything that we as scientists, as _humans_ , should keep in mind going forward, it's just that we're stronger together than we are apart.

Um...thank you.  
_(Walks off stage)_

AUDIENCE:  
_(Applause)_

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
JONATHAN:  
Oh my god, I'm cry, that was so good.

KARAMO:  
I'm so proud!

TAN:  
Hang on, where's he going? He didn't go back to his seat.

 _INT: Hotel hallway_  
BRUCE:  
_(Leans against wall, eyes closed, breathing deeply)_

TONY:  
Hey, there you are. Bruce, that was so good, I'm so proud of you. How are you doing? You okay?

BRUCE:  
Yeah, I--  
_(Bites lip)_

TONY:  
Hey, here.  
_(Hugs)_

BRUCE:  
Tony….  
_(Moves hands to Tony's face, kisses him)_

 _INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
FAB 5:  
_(Scream)_

JONATHAN:  
Thank (bleep)ing Christ. Oh, he is going to be needing that shea butter tonight, honey!

ANTONI:  
Ohh, that was so sweet.

 _INT: Hotel hallway_  
TONY:  
_(Pulls away)_  
Bruce….

BRUCE:  
Oh, (bleep), no, I'm sorry, I--

TONY:  
No, no no no, that was incredible, don't you dare apologize, don't go anywhere….  
_(Pushes left palm against Bruce's chest, pinning him against the wall)_

Just give me one second--  
_(Pulls out phone, taps screen)_

_(Fade out)_

_INT: Fab 5 Loft_  
FAB 5:  
_(Gasp, stare at blank TV screen)_

KARAMO:  
Did Tony Stark just...hack our cameras?

JONATHAN:  
It's probably for the best, just to be 100% honest, I am positive that I would not have been able to look away even when it became like, obviously inappropriate to keep watching. Oh my god, I love them, if they don't invite me to their wedding I will be _furious_. It will be my supervillain origin story.

TAN:  
Let's not get too ahead of ourselves….

JONATHAN:  
No, I'm serious, if they don't, I will fully become a supervillain, like full Cruella DeVille, but then Thor will fight me and remind me of my true inner goodness and then we'll fall in love.

ANTONI:  
Well, you'll have to invite us to _your_ wedding, then.

JONATHAN:  
Are you kidding, you guys will be my best men.  
_(Sighs, raises glass)_  
Let's toast to....

KARAMO:  
...to making human connections.

JONATHAN:  
Ooh, that's beautiful, I was just going to say to the Avengers.

ANTONI:  
To making human connections!

FAB 5:  
_(Clink glasses)_

JONATHAN:  
Seriously though, Thor, if you want to make a human connection, call me.

_(Fade out)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I inadvertently plagiarize Hillary Clinton's campaign slogan for Bruce's speech and only realize it after the fact? Maybe, or maybe he's just #WithHer.


End file.
